Writing in English will distance my passion and my emotion.
I know I am lucky to have a job that pays the rent the bills, but I still moan. I know rush into some decisions would lead to regret soon, so I tolerate. In the Neon lights in London, I lost again and again, knowing how to pick up the pieces is daily work.
Why London, is it so wonderful that I have to drain all my energy to stay? Or it is just another city with thousands of strange faces. I could not answer. Obviously it is better than some other small places like I have been to.
It is someone else does not have the patience, but I do. Again and again, I was told I am a survivor. Well, even though, am I able to hunt my prey to satisfy my hunger? This is such a critical period to define myself and my choices.
I keep my pride.
以下片断，转载自 tuzizi
她的歌总是把重心放在对方身上,歌词里面的”你”比”我”多.
可是从很久很久以前,我就不会再做这样的事情
也许当时的我享受那种丢失掉自己的漂浮无助感,以为那就是爱
但是当我摔的粉身碎骨之后,却换不来甚至一个怜悯的眼光时
我就知道,那不是.
现在的我会安安静静的生活，把我的好温和地传递给那些对我好的人
我再也不会故意制造动静，就为了吸引某个人的眼光
我在认认真真独自砌着自己牢固的石头房子
有人路过并停下来和我聊天时,我会暂时停下手里的活
在舒服的阳光下交谈几句
如果相谈甚欢,我会动手在我的石头房子旁边搭一个临时窝棚
等到无话可说时,窝棚就可以拆除,而我继续砌我的房子.
男人需要你去依靠他
女人需要你为她去付出
我把自己修炼成精了,前者从我这里得不到被依靠的成就感
我却还不够完善,后者从我这里得不到她想要的精神或者物质上的东西
换句话说,我已经不知道怎么索取,并且也不会主动的给予
当我想向别人要什么时,或者我主动想给别人些什么的时候
我总是很嗫嚅.
我现在连搭讪都不会了,当我站在陌生人身旁的时候,手脚和眼神都在发抖
天知道很久以前,我是人来疯的.
我从一个喋喋不休的诉说者，转变成了一个安静的倾听者
所以我现在蒙头砌我的石头房子,等待有人路过与我攀谈
这样,等路人都走光以后
我至少有个结实,暖和的遮风避雨之地.
